How do I actually CHANGE those things/habits that I don't like about myself?

Have you ever noticed some things about yourself that you totally disliked or had those closest to you point some things out about you that you just couldn't deny? Of course you have, we all have. We get to a point where we see these flaws. We understand these flaws. We sincerely want to change these flaws yet we catch ourselves doing the same thing over and over again. It's so frustrating. The intentions are good, but the actions don't reflect such. These actions are causing emotional roller coasters, mental instability, and damaged relationships. They say the first step to change is to recognize and admit your problems..But what about after you've done that time after time and you still see no change? What now?! How do I change? A TRUE change that's permanent and sincere?

Thoughts and Words. IT STARTS WITH HOW WE THINK AND WHAT WE SAY. Each thought and each word is a seed that we plant. And what you plant WILL grow. We keep running into the same habits even when we truly, from the depths of our hearts desire change because we have not changed our thoughts or words.

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

1. "But even when I actually do change my thoughts and words, I keep getting the exact SAME results."

Let us first define change. To "change" means to make or become different. To change is to TRANSFORM. The bible tells us to be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. NO transformation takes place overnight, but EVERY transformation starts with an effort. In the beginning of this transformation, it's new and it's a bit complex. Number one, you have to be real with yourself. Don't try to put on a front for God or others. God knows you. Be real with Him. Ask Him daily or as often as needed to filter our thoughts and guide your tongue. Also, If you KNOW that thinking and saying positive things is an issue that you struggle with, when it's time to speak, SHUT UP. Don't allow yourself to speak until you KNOW that you have mastered the process of positive thinking and positive speaking. You have to babysit yourself. You have to think about every single thing before you say it, make sure that what you're thinking is a positive thought, and then proceed to let it manifest in your heart or come out of your mouth. You have to consistently remind your thoughts and words to remain positive. You have to fervently and sincerely declare every single day, sometimes multiple times a day that "My thoughts and words WILL remain optimistic under ANY and ALL circumstances! It's like being an infant. When you were an infant someone had to watch you at all times to ensure that you weren't in any danger, and that all of your needs were met. As your grew older, slowly and surely your caregiver released responsibility to you until eventually, you grew up and could do a lot more for yourself, no longer in need of a babysitter. It is truly a process, but a necessary process that has the potential to either help or hinder any and every circumstance that we may encounter in our lives. Understand that each thought and each word is a seed that we plant. And what you plant WILL grow. It's just THAT serious. As Gandhi once said,

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny."

2. "It's not that my thoughts or words are negative, I'm a realist, I simply keep it real".  

Me too! I'm a "realist". I like to examine things to the core. I analyze every single thing, every single detail, about 87 different ways, LITERALLY. Is this negative? It most cases YES. Here's how:

• Analyzing a situation too much causes us to think the WORST before we think the BEST. If we thought the best FIRST, would there REALLY be a need to continue analyzing the situation? 

• Analyzing a situation too much causes us to create multiple assumptions in which we usually react/respond/proceed with these most times WRONG assumptions because in our minds we deem them as fact. 

Many times when we think we're "keeping it real" with ourselves, we are really formulating our own truth. Am I saying that you should just take what everyone says/does as just having great intentions? Absolutely not. But what I am saying is that you have to think the best before you think the worst..until someone gives you a tangible reason to think otherwise. One of the greatest factors about dwelling in the spirit of God is He gives us a certain level of discernment. He reveals things to us about various people/situations. So I'm not saying that we should be foolish and ignore those red flags that jerk at our spirits, but don't form your own red flags and scenarios by over analyzing and over thinking the situation. Too much wasted energy that generally results in more negative results than positive results.



BOTTOM LINE: 
Joyce Meyer says it best in stating that "You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind." Our thoughts and words MUST change before our actions will reflect. PERIOD. Change starts NOW with our thoughts and our words. Glass half full vs. half empty at all times.
BELIEVE IT! SPEAK IT! EMBRACE IT! and EXERCISE IT! Ready, set, GO!

~Aleshia

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When our PERFECT people let us down

All of us at some point in our lives have had that "HERO". Those people who you just absolutely adore who can do no wrong in your eyes. Even when they're wrong, they're right. Whether they are your parents, mentors, life coaches, siblings, etc., they have served as examples, role-models, motivation, inspiration, and for us, that PERFECT person. But what happens when that PERFECT person lets us down? What happens when they fail or make a mistake? Or when they can no longer be our hero? It's damaging! It's like your whole world comes tumbling down. We become angry at them, and that same person that once carried an abundance of love in your heart has now caused you to hate them, or hold some sort of a grudge against them. Respect is lost, the relationship is broken, and it leads to a series of emotions and conflict. What tthe heck happened?!  

We neglected to remember that they are human, too. YES!! Our heroes? Our mentors? Our parents? Our spiritual counselors? Our siblings and best friends? They too are human!

For the most part, there are going to be one of two reasons that our PERFECT people become tainted in our eyes.

1. They make a major "mistake" that causes a negative shift in their reputation, relationships, employment, and/or mentality. For starters, again I say, they are HUMAN. They are our PEFRECT people, it sucks to see them at a low point, I know, but every HUMAN BEING is entitled to that point in their lives where mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally it may not be the BEST point. Everyone is entitled to that time in life to regroup, analyze and explore at their own risk. Sometimes we deem things as "mistakes" that were meant to serve as lesson, growth, and/or stepping stones. Who are we to dictate and determine what someone should/shouldn't do and/or should and shouldn't go through? Such is life. We are not their God , and we are not their judge, thus it is our duty to understand and embrace the fact that they are simply HUMAN. Human. And it is during these hard times that they need us more than ever. They need us to pour back into them all of the love, compassion, forgiveness, patience, finances, and other deposits that they have made into us. For everything there is a season. A time to sew and a time to reap. A time to get withdrawals, and a time to make deposits.

2. They no longer act, respond, think, and/or cater to us as they once did.

What we have to understand is that sometimes they have spent so much time playing our superman and/or superwoman that they have neglected themselves. Their needs. Their desires. Their dreams and ambitions. Things important to them. They love us so much that they spend a lot of time catering to us. Ensuring that we are happy and taken care of. Ensuring that they don't let us down. To be someone's PERFECT person is A LOT of pressure!! It's day end and day out of analyzing every single thing that you do and say so that you will not have a negative impact of those surrounding you. It's people pulling you a thousand different directions making thousands of demands, and you saying "yes" to all those demands because you just can't say NO.  WE have to think: if they are our PERFECT person, they probably hold the same position in someone else's life as well. At some point, they aren't going to act as they always have or as we think they should. It's possible that something could be going on with them internally, but it's also possible that they are trying not to serve as a hinderance for our grwoth and judgement. It is possible that just maybe, for that very moment, that they just need A MOMENT. Whatever the case may be, just because they don't think, act, or respond the way that we think they should does not make it wrong. It simply makes it different.

In conclusion I would like for us to analyze why these peole become our PERFECT people. Either we are looking for them to fulfill some type of void, and/or they are able to do or perform something that we appear to be incapable of doing. For example, why do smaller children look up to spiderman or superman? Because they fulfill a void. For many children, their lives lack excitement and thrill. Such superheroes fulfill that void. They fly through buildings and hang from trees effortlessly. They do things that we think we personally cannot perform. Such are our heroes. Here is the issue with that, however, it is not their duty to fill our voids whatsoever. They may offer guidance.. They may offer a helping hand. They may offer the greatest support, but it is not their job to fulfill our voids. That's OUR job. Don't get frustrated at them for not doing what they shouldn't be doing any way. That's how we dissapoint ourselves. That's how we damage the relationship. That's how we taint our image of them..by placing unrealistic and unfair expectations on them. They are not God. They are human. Period. So in actuality, our PERFECT people didn't let us down, we let ourselves down.  

Thank you for hearing my heart on this matter...

~Aleshia

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